The problem, you see, is that when I wake up at 06:10 every morning and stare at the ceiling, I come up with long, depressing diatribes in my head that would make for distracting if not laughable blog entries, but then I somehow manage to forget them on the way to work.
Today’s, for example, was going to be a horrible, mushy, self-deprecating (FUCK I was trying really hard to remember that phrase the other day!) miserable rant about girls and how lovely they are etc. etc. ad nauseum, basically due to the fact that I haven’t been able to touch one in more than a friendly fashion for about two years.
Of course it wasn’t ALL going to be about touching them, even though that’s one of the best parts.
It’s when you wake up for the umpteenth morning, on the right-hand side of a double bed with that great big empty space next to you.
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m well aware of the fact that the last girl to share that bed with me was, quote unquote, ‘rubbish for me’, - but that doesn’t half make you pine for some companionship. Well. It does me, anyway.
Some of you might be happy with your singleness, but I for one am becoming pretty bloody fed up with it. I’ve got a comfy double bed that isn’t being used to its full capacity, an amateur set of cooking skills that are entirely wasted on a single 24y/o male living alone, a DVD collection that puts your average dude’s clutch of shite Vin Diesel DVDs to shame (Variety. I has it.), and a whole HOST of rants that don’t get a chance to fall on seemingly patient but actually uninterested ears!
The worst thing about it all is probably the pity, though.
You know what I’m talking about.
Although.. saying that.. the pity is about the closest thing I get to attention these days, and when you grew up an only child with an awesome mum who paid attention to you 24/7 WHETHER YOU WANTED HER TO OR NOT, living on your own and not having anyone around to interact with is, quite frankly, absolute pears.
Yeah, anyway look, I get paid on the 23rd, so I’ll be booking an appointment wiv da toof-fixa after paying the main bills, and I fully expect you all (all three of you!) to take the time out of your busy schedules and LOOK AT ME, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
On a final, slightly related note, I did manage to pluck up the courage to speak to the hot bargirl in The Swan opposite the Corn Exchange when we went to see Dylan Moran last Wednesday. Just general shit and trying to big up Josh’s sample CD, but I spoke to her! Go me!
Now if only I could get that sort of courage up all the time.
Back to the grind…
Od.
Monday 16 February 2009
Wednesday 4 February 2009
DA MIRAKUL BLOG FILLAH
Good evening.
Work is hectic, my nights are all taken up by fighting and writing.
Read this while you wait for a proper blog, courtesy of the '25 Random* Things About Me' Note meme that's going around on the Book of Face.
25. When I am occupying a locked toilet, everyone in my local vicinity loses the
ability to check the Vacancy/Occupied indicator strip on all toilet doors, thus
resulting in them going to open the door blindly and looking stupid as
it refuses to budge while inside I've half leapt off my seat due to the
resounding THUMP as they walk into the door.
USE YOUR EYES, ASSHAT!
24. I do not believe, even slightly, in ghosts. Aliens and monsters, however, remain a strong possibility.
23. I can't remember if this number was where it was written, but I'd like to add myself to the list of those who don't trust people who don't like cheese. That's un-English, that is. If you don't like cheese, you're either foreign or a mental.
22. I have no defined musical taste aside from my obvious fondness for ska. My Music folder contains an eclectic set of songs (Think of a musical genre. I has it.), and I refuse to accept any mockery on the subject, because music is an art and art is not only form and content; art is also
subjective. So fuck off.
21. I don't like cricket.
20. When I pick what I'm wearing every morning, I don't even bother to check if my socks
match anymore.
19. Working for the government, while mind-numbingly over-complicated and tedious, does have its perks.
18. A solid hour of my normal day consists of looking at pornography online.
17. If I were an animal, I would be a fat, lazy tabby housecat who likes nothing more than
sleeping on his owner's desk in the pool of sunshine from the window and, on quiet days, chasing potbellied mice through the garden.
16. I am physically and mentally incapable of recognising or returning flirtation, even subconciously. I'm an evolutionary cul-de-sac.
15. My nights are currently divided between playing Warhammer Online, getting wasted so as to forget the monotony of life (/drama), watching Jericho, legitimately acquiring movies, reading, listening to music and writing fiction. No teim fer wuvs, doktah Jonez.
14. I retain a genuine sense of surprise when people admit to not hating me.
13. You know those awesome sort of digitigrade hopping-leg thingies that you sometimes see people wearing so they can bounce along the road like a VERY TALL sprinting kangaroo? I love those.
12. There is a difference between movies, films and cinema.
11. While there are people in the world who insist on buying into Blizzard's behemoth MMO, I will be there to shout 'YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!'.
10. I am incredibly insecure. So much so that it took me half an hour to decide to leave this one in.
09. Every Friday should be fish and chips night, as far as I'm concerned.
08. Bam-bam-buh-bam, ba-lam-bam-buh-bam, I wanna be cremated.
07. (Slice of Bread x 2) + (Cheese + Pickle) / 2 = Best Sandwich Evar.
06. My least favourite dream is the one where I'm about four years old, dressed in a mini parka jacket and baggy dungarees, and I'm standing just outside of a car with its passenger door open. My mum, who's sitting in the driver's seat crying, says something to me, hauls the door closed and drives off, leaving me alone in the middle of a massive car park.
05. I have a primal fear of sharks. So much so that I point-blank refuse to swim in the ocean and I have even been known to express a paranoid suspicion of man-made bodies of water.
04. My favourite book is 'Good Omens' by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.
03. I crave attention and the approval of my peers. It's something I picked up years ago after my apathetic phase, and I dearly wish I could outgrow it.
02. I should probably put out a want-ad for a girlfriend. It's the only way I'll get back into the dating game at this rate.
'Tubby mid-twenties nerd dude seeks patient, understanding brunette dudette with similar tastes. Sense of humour and low expectations a must. '
01. DIS IS DA BEST WAR EVAH!
Cheers, and see you on the battlefie- oh wait, none of you play WAR..
Od.
*It's not random if someone has actually put some thought into it, you ignorant fuck.
Work is hectic, my nights are all taken up by fighting and writing.
Read this while you wait for a proper blog, courtesy of the '25 Random* Things About Me' Note meme that's going around on the Book of Face.
25. When I am occupying a locked toilet, everyone in my local vicinity loses the
ability to check the Vacancy/Occupied indicator strip on all toilet doors, thus
resulting in them going to open the door blindly and looking stupid as
it refuses to budge while inside I've half leapt off my seat due to the
resounding THUMP as they walk into the door.
USE YOUR EYES, ASSHAT!
24. I do not believe, even slightly, in ghosts. Aliens and monsters, however, remain a strong possibility.
23. I can't remember if this number was where it was written, but I'd like to add myself to the list of those who don't trust people who don't like cheese. That's un-English, that is. If you don't like cheese, you're either foreign or a mental.
22. I have no defined musical taste aside from my obvious fondness for ska. My Music folder contains an eclectic set of songs (Think of a musical genre. I has it.), and I refuse to accept any mockery on the subject, because music is an art and art is not only form and content; art is also
subjective. So fuck off.
21. I don't like cricket.
20. When I pick what I'm wearing every morning, I don't even bother to check if my socks
match anymore.
19. Working for the government, while mind-numbingly over-complicated and tedious, does have its perks.
18. A solid hour of my normal day consists of looking at pornography online.
17. If I were an animal, I would be a fat, lazy tabby housecat who likes nothing more than
sleeping on his owner's desk in the pool of sunshine from the window and, on quiet days, chasing potbellied mice through the garden.
16. I am physically and mentally incapable of recognising or returning flirtation, even subconciously. I'm an evolutionary cul-de-sac.
15. My nights are currently divided between playing Warhammer Online, getting wasted so as to forget the monotony of life (/drama), watching Jericho, legitimately acquiring movies, reading, listening to music and writing fiction. No teim fer wuvs, doktah Jonez.
14. I retain a genuine sense of surprise when people admit to not hating me.
13. You know those awesome sort of digitigrade hopping-leg thingies that you sometimes see people wearing so they can bounce along the road like a VERY TALL sprinting kangaroo? I love those.
12. There is a difference between movies, films and cinema.
11. While there are people in the world who insist on buying into Blizzard's behemoth MMO, I will be there to shout 'YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!'.
10. I am incredibly insecure. So much so that it took me half an hour to decide to leave this one in.
09. Every Friday should be fish and chips night, as far as I'm concerned.
08. Bam-bam-buh-bam, ba-lam-bam-buh-bam, I wanna be cremated.
07. (Slice of Bread x 2) + (Cheese + Pickle) / 2 = Best Sandwich Evar.
06. My least favourite dream is the one where I'm about four years old, dressed in a mini parka jacket and baggy dungarees, and I'm standing just outside of a car with its passenger door open. My mum, who's sitting in the driver's seat crying, says something to me, hauls the door closed and drives off, leaving me alone in the middle of a massive car park.
05. I have a primal fear of sharks. So much so that I point-blank refuse to swim in the ocean and I have even been known to express a paranoid suspicion of man-made bodies of water.
04. My favourite book is 'Good Omens' by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.
03. I crave attention and the approval of my peers. It's something I picked up years ago after my apathetic phase, and I dearly wish I could outgrow it.
02. I should probably put out a want-ad for a girlfriend. It's the only way I'll get back into the dating game at this rate.
'Tubby mid-twenties nerd dude seeks patient, understanding brunette dudette with similar tastes. Sense of humour and low expectations a must. '
01. DIS IS DA BEST WAR EVAH!
Cheers, and see you on the battlefie- oh wait, none of you play WAR..
Od.
*It's not random if someone has actually put some thought into it, you ignorant fuck.
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